I'm Stalking You. Right Now.

First off, let me just say this- Do you have any idea how effing difficult it is to stalk someone on FB if you don't know their last name? SERIOUSLY. It's HARD! I have to research people you MIGHT be friends with, hope I can stalk their friends list in search of you, and basically, it gets really awkward. If I have to friend 25 people just to find you, I will do it. Because I'm dedicated to the stalker's cause, but still... Please wear your last name visible at all times. Thanks.

Although, some of you have names I can't even pronounce... Let alone spell. You can all just suck it.

Also, those of you named 'Shawn'- I love you. Those of you named 'Sean'- what the fuck is wrong with your parents? I don't know why I have such abiding distaste for the name Seal-with-an-N, but I do. I think it's because it just seems wrong. And because I have serious issues with wrongness. Well, in my own personal view of wrongness, by the way. I also feel like people who name their kid something like, 'Derek,' and then go and spell it retarded, like 'Derik' should be punched in the throat. Don't do that. No one thinks it's cool, or 'oh, my, how interesting! This kid's name is spelled completely different! They must be a super-unique individual.' No. What we really think is, 'Oh, look, this parent can't fucking spell. Wanted their kid to look cool, instead looks like a jackass.' 


And while I'm tangenting off on the subject, pronunciation, folks. PRONUNCIATION. For the last damned time, my kid's name is 'Brenna.' It is NOT 'Breanna,' nor is it 'Brenda,' nor is it 'Brennea.' There's nothing more annoying than hearing someone mispronounce a name. My name is Debra. Being called Deb-or-ah will get a punch in the junk. Calling Brenna 'Breanna' will get you stabbed with a rusty spoon. 


Everyone always tells me that I'm super violent and angry. You silly gooses. I'm not angry and violent. That's just how I describe things. If you think that's angry, you should see me when I'm really mad. If I'm laughing, I'm not mad. FYI. 


But let's face it... I'm kind of an asshole. And that's just how it is. I don't care who knows or thinks it.