I rarely post serious blogs. In fact, I don't know that I ever have. But this one IS serious, and it does need to be written. The fact is, most of you won't know who I'm writing about. But she deserves this. 

 Do me a favor, who was the last person you talked to? What did you say? Why did you say it? How did you feel saying it? Is that really the last thing you want that person to hear you saying? I'm willing to bet, no. I tend to live my life pretty loosely. I make the rules up as I go along. I don't do what is expected of me if I can help it. I just live. 

 The problem with that is that I rarely take the time to tell people how much I love them. How much they mean to me. How much they've made a difference in my life, and how empty a hole they would leave in my life. I rarely find the time to say, "I love you," because to me, you all know it, don't you? <3

 A wonderful woman died this week, and the truth is... I was completely and utterly shocked. Floored. Totally destroyed. We've lost other people recently, but none that hit so hard as this one. And the reason, which I am about to tell you, is one that I am deeply ashamed of.

Deb was a rare soul. She lived her entire life happy. Always smiling, always bouncy, always fun. Never a cross word, never tears. Nothing. She truly was a selfless lady who made the world around her better. She was always dancing, singing, not caring who was watching, or judging, or laughing. Her joy was making others happy, and she was wonderful at it. 
 The thing is, sometimes it can be exhausting. It can be hard to stand when all you want is to be grumpy and wallow in the anger and sadness that you're currently engulfed in. The last time I was in the store, a few months ago, was one of those days. I had been in a funk all week, and I didn't really want to be happy-happy-joy-joy. I just wanted to say hello to a handful of people and just get out. When I saw Deb, rather, she saw me, her face lit up, and she began the "HI DEB!" standard that I had grown used to over the past few years. She rambled on for a bit about the store and asked me how I was...
 Guys, I didn't want to be there. I just wanted her to shut up. I wanted her to just stop talking and let me be so I could finish what I had started, and that could be it. I generically answered her questions, made an excuse about needing to get going, and promised her I'd visit again soon. And then I left. I didn't hug her, like I normally would have. I didn't tell her how good it was to see her. I didn't tell her all about my life and what I was doing like she wanted me to. I made an excuse. Because her happy energy was ruining my bad mood. 

 I can't go back and tell her I'm sorry for that. She deserved better than that. I don't think she realized I was being curt and trying to get away from her, but I know. And I am horribly, horribly ashamed of it. I loved that lady. I would never, ever have been so short if I had known I wouldn't ever get to see her again. I would have spent a long time telling her about school and what Brenna was up to. I would have hugged her and told her how much I missed seeing her bubbly self all the time. I would have told her what she meant to me. So why even bother telling you guys this? Because maybe you guys need this swift kick in the ass. Because maybe, I'm earning my forgiveness for being a jerk by reminding you guys to never take tomorrow for granted. I dunno. Maybe I'm practicing to be a fortune cookie. 

 Don't wait to tell someone that you love them. Don't wait to tell them what they mean. Don't wait until you can't go back and undo what you've done. She is free and happy, out there in the universe, a ball of positive energy unleashed upon the galaxy. I sincerely hope I don't miss my chance to tell you all how much you mean to me, and how much I love you guys. Because the truth is- I do love you guys. And I always have appreciated you, even when it seems like I don't.