Look, Look, Look, Look, Hey...

How many times do I have to fucking say it? My name is NOT 'baby girl.'

Oh, haaaaaaay there, guys? How do you do? I haven't written you in a while, but I can't say I'm sorry about that. Because I'm not. I've had a pretty busy, fantabulous couple of weeks. But, back to the things I am not to be called...


"Baby Girl." Do I look like I'm 6lbs 8oz? Nope. I sure as hell don't. No part of me is baby sized. I've pushed a half-grown toddler out of my vagina. What makes you think I'm a 'girl?' Knock that shit off. I'm a grown ass adult. I'm 6 feet friggin' tall!!! Nothing 'baby' about me!


"Miss Lady." I hate the word lady. Lady is a four letter word that I don't appreciate. 


"Ma'am." If you'd like to see how it feels to get knocked upside the head with the business end of a stapler, call me ma'am one more fucking time. Do I look like I'm a goddamn cat lady? I'm in my mid-20's. Seriously. Ma'am is NOT a word to use with me. I will kick you in the face.


A couple other things you should know about me... I hate when people grab my fingers. As in, grabbing my fingers and pulling my hand to your face so you can compliment me on my beautiful fingers. Um, hey, dumbass- I have sausage fingers. You're fucking creepy. 


Staring deeply into someone's eyes for a few moments is okay, when both parties are willing participants. Staring deeply into someone's eyes for minutes at a time is weird. And it feels like eye rape. No one wants that. Seriously. No ONE wants it. Repeated compliments on the same thing are not okay, either. Telling me 17 times how much you like my eyes is not okay. I'm uncomfortable with compliments, specifically from people I'm not interested in being complimented by, and frankly, it borders on psychotic if you keep at it. I have to wonder if you have a "Debra" shrine in your basement...


Hitting on me at a Big Lots- not okay. You should not do that. Specifically while my mother is standing next to me. I mean, really? No. Don't. "Hello, ladiesssss..." I knew it was downhill from there... You wouldn't be pulling that shit if my dad were here. Some mountain man looking sumbitch standing next to me would have put a cap on your pickup line stream, huh? Weirdo... 


And one last thing to go out on- never park like a dick next to the Beemer with obvious dents in it. If I have to hit your car to open my door so I can get into it, I will slam it W I D E open. Into your nice, shiny, beautifully painted car door. And not worry a bit about it. Have a fabulous day. :)