You're Welcome.

Today was gorgeous. Absolutely bloody gorgeous. It was warm and sunshiny and an all around enjoyable day. I just thought I'd share that with you. It sets up everything else.

I took B to the park today, because I couldn't think of a valid excuse NOT to.


 I hate the park on a typical day, mainly because people are stupid. And if there's one thing I hate, it's stupid people. The world would be a less interesting place and severely lacking in comedic value if they were gone, but I could live with that. In the wondrous words of a darling friend of mine, "I think they should do away with all labels that tell you not to do common sense things. It would clean up the gene pool if we let evolution work as intended." I love that man, I really do.

The first thing I noticed upon arriving at the park is how many other parents had the same idea to let their children run wild in public. That was depressing, but what can you do? It was bound to happen. The second thing I noticed was that my Walmart stalker was there. The man who will somehow find me in the damned shampoo aisle on the far end of the store just to ask if I need anything, because he sensed I was in the store. Yes. He was there. I really wish he'd stop stalking me wherever I go. It's starting to become troublesome. I will hit a man in the face in front of his children, I hope he knows that.


The third thing I noticed was an incredibly friendly little boy who was obviously starving for attention, as he repeatedly ran up to any and everyone and said, "Hi. My name is ..... and I like dogs. I also like slides. Wanna see me go down the slide?" Have I ever mentioned how much I hate kids? He had snot on his upper lip. I wanted to punch him in the head and his mother in the ovaries for having another kid, when she couldn't keep this one's nose clean.

The fourth thing I noticed was actually an argument between a couple of people on the playground. Nothing says classy parenting like having an argument on a playground, folks. Just FYI. But because I KNOW you're super interested in hearing what this was about, here you are:
Mom: We need to go. 
Dad: Why? It's no big deal.
Mom: We are leaving. You don't have anything in your car?
Dad: No, I didn't even think about it.
Mom: That's so disgusting. You're a fucking idiot. Who the hell brings their dog onto the playground and lets them shit where children are playing? WHY DID I MARRY YOU? You're a fucking IDIOT.
Dad(to daughter): We need to go, babe. Your mother is having a bad day because the dog just took a huge shit.
 You know what? If you'd been my husband, I would have beat your ass with the dog's leash. Seriously? Who lets their dog shit on a playground and doesn't clean it up? For that matter, who lets their dog shit on a playground? You should be forced to play in traffic for that. And for those of you who think I'm harsh, just wait. It's about to get better.

So this lovely couple's child is about 6. She has HIGHLIGHTS in her hair. At 6, you're teaching your child the importance of looks and changing your outside to meet current fashion trends. Yes, I am judging you, lady. Your kid is also probably going to be saddled with anorexia by age 16. There are loads of things I think it's inappropriate to let your child do at such a young age, but I suppose your personal form of child abuse is your private business.
Well, this girl is jumping from every conceivable surface that is even remotely higher than four feet high. And her parents could care less. They're watching her jump, clapping and whistling. Then, finally, the father dares the girl to jump from approximately 10 feet. It's at least twice the girl's height. What the hell is wrong with this parent? I thought maybe he was kidding, and teasing her, but no... He was serious. He was calling her a chicken, and clucking at her.
This girl's going to break her damn legs jumping from this height, and he's doing chicken noises at her. I hope his dog shits in his car. A lot. 


Why do I find these kind of people at the park? EVERY TIME? I really hate people. In order to reproduce, I feel like you should have to submit to an intelligence test. Human population would decrease quite quickly. And I'd feel perfectly pleased with that.