Random Christmasness

Oh, joy, another Christmas done and over with. Only 12 more months until I get to start it all over again! :D


I'm pretty sure I'm the shit... You know how I know? Because I realized at the last second that we were out of milk. Now, everyone knows you have to leave Santa cookies and milk. 


Some jackass a long, long time ago decided to add one more worry to the plates of parents everywhere by telling us we need to leave fucking milk and cookies for this fat bastard.


So, anywho, I was totally out of milk. At midnight. Christmas Eve. Everything was closed. 


EVERYTHING.


WHAT THE HELL DO I DO????? WHAT DO I DO?






I sign a coke can. "Thanks for the Coke, Brenna! It was great! Love, Santa."


I fucking rule. And Brenna thinks we're pretty much the greatest family ever, since Santa left us a thank you note. See? MY Santa is classy. Even if he did write it on an aluminum can. At least it wasn't a beer can... But don't think I'm above that. Because chances are good, I might do that someday.


And, I also failed to wrap three presents. Because they were really crappy packaging, and it would have been a really shitty wrapping job. And I'm too Type A to not have perfectly mitered corners on my packages. I'm weird that way. I do everything 100% and when it's less than perfect, it tends to drive me nuts. So I just refused to fail with those three things. I hung them on the tree like ornaments. She still found them.  




Now, this has nothing to do with anything, at all, but I thought I'd tell you. Because it made me laugh like the batshit crazy lunatic I am. 


Christmas Eve morning, one of my favorites at work looked at me and said, "I wish you'd just shoot me."
I grinned, and in my sing-song voice, I said, "Well, unfortunately for you, my dear, they took my FOID card after the last felony assault conviction. And I don't know anyone who sells unregistered guns. Do you?" 


His eyes got as big as half dollars. I winked conspiratorially, and told him the latest conviction was our little secret. I am such an asshole. And I am totally okay with that.




Did I mention that I fucking LOVE watermelon ring pops?